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quality letter to Bet365 re closed betting account

As the world of bookmaking goes corporate, more and more accounts get heavily restricted or closed altogether. This letter, originally published here on Progamble.me - is a funny summation of bookies reacting way too fast to ban punters who might strike it lucky occasionally. Braco sir!

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As I’m sure most of you guys are, myself and me mates are cut off from Bet365. Some of their accounts even had losses of their lifetime and were still cut off because they “believed they would win more than they lost in the long term.”

Here is an email from one of my mates attempting to get reinstated. It was so good we couldn’t not post it on here. We will let you know the outcome, if they respond.

Hello!

My name is xxxxxxxxx and my username for my account is xxxxxxx. I am writing to you as my account was cut-off on the 4th of July 2013 due to being found guilty in Kangaroo Court of the unspeakable crime of not losing money to an online bookmaker on a consistent basis. I could understand this happening at the time, because I’ll be honest, I was in the gambling form of my life and was giving you blokes an absolute hiding. I really don’t blame you for saying ‘no mas’ and rather than complain about being cut-off, I decided to take a few deep breaths, withdraw your money from my account and purchase a shiny new motor vehicle to take my mind off things. I can send you a photo if you’re interested.

I now feel that since our relationship has had this time-out (I refuse to believe we broke-up), we both have a better grasp on what we want from each other. I understand that you don’t want to be the first to say it, so I’ll go first. I miss you Bet365. I miss sinking my teeth in to your juicy early markets, I miss biting down on your ear during the climax of a big 5 leg multi, I even miss sneaking out with you for a cheeky late night roleplay over the jumps at Chepstow. I miss every little unspeakable act, and now that we’ve been apart for 6 weeks, I hope you miss it too. I’ve been trying to re-create the magic with other sites during this time, and while they always have their legs akimbo for me, many times they manage to work their way on top. And I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, but most of the time the next morning I would wake up feeling cheap, used and with empty pockets. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror sometimes, and I can’t help but ask myself why am I wasting my life with these cheap, easy second rate agencies when I once had it all with the World’s Biggest Bookmaker? It’s like sneaking out for a random seeing to at a glory hole when you’ve got Scarlett Johansson waiting for you at home. It’s just not the same. What do you say, I feel like I’m ready to make a commitment, let’s give it another go? I feel like I’m a more mature punter, and you’re a more mature bookmaker, and we’ll be able to make it work this time. I’m even willing to stop seeing all the other floosy sites if you take me back. You’ll be my one and only, I promise! You just have to say the word.

But in all seriousness, if Samuel L. Jackson or one of your analysts takes the time to look at my account and my gambling patterns, you’ll see that I’m in no way a professional punter. I don’t just pick-out overs or be selective at all with my betting. I bet on anything, anytime, anywhere, with little rhyme nor reason to it. I simply managed to hit a purple patch of form over the first few months of this year. I’ve been a punter for 18 years and I hold accounts with 7 different agencies other than yourselves and I’ve never been close to being cut-off with any of them, and for good reason. If you hadn’t cut me off you would have won a fair portion of your money back from me over the past 6 weeks. If you reinstate my account this weekend I will be backing horses like Mantango and Mac It Is with you at Belmont on Saturday. I won’t be happy with the new car you funded for me, I’ll come back trying to get you to a fund a water-based vessel. Do I not sound exactly like the kind of person you want betting with you? The saying goes “the house always wins”, but it seems like you guys adhere to the saying “the house takes a couple of stomach punches, curls into the foetal position, sucks its thumb and waves the white flag.” Don’t take your bat and ball and go home. Let’s do this! You can do it, you’re the World’s Biggest Bookmaker! No-one gets the better of you! As the great Aaliyah once harmonised, “If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again, dust yourself off and try again, try again, try again…”

So I hope you consider to take me back. I promise I won’t win as much money this time and will not take you for granted again. I believe in you, even if you don’t believe in yourself.

I really look forward to navigating your wonderful website and your state of the art mobile application again. I would appreciate it if you could respond to me with your decision unlike the multiple times you ignored my requests to change the method of withdrawal for my account.

Yours sincerely,

xxxxxxxx

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